For developing relationships with the right people— do you have any tips or resources for *what to do* within those relationships? I’ve done intro calls with 20+ cross-functional stakeholders in my first couple weeks but wondering
During one of the first projects when I was a management consultant, the Engagement Manager leading the project would sit us down every Wednesday afternoon where we would all go around and talk about how we were doing, what was new in our life, and anything that we had planned for the weekend. We would usually go grab a coffee, and it would eventually be followed up by a small team dinner later in the evening. We did this for 5 months straight, on the nose at 2:00PM in the afternoon. It didn’t matter what was going on that week, and we would make sure to schedule all meetings and work time around that dedicated time to chat. Over the course of that time, our small team got to know each other pretty well personally and professionally.
At the end of the project as we were wrapping up the engagement, during my final conversation with my manager before we headed to the airport one last time I pulled the manager aside and asked him why he was so religious about getting in the same routine every Wednesday, taking us away from whatever we were working on, and making sure that we had time to chat. He went on to explain the following (paraphrasing)
Relationships are everything in consulting, and in order for us to be effective as a team, we need to have trust. The only way to have trust, is to proactively make time to work on it.
He later went on to add:
Think of building relationships with your peers like depositing money into a savings account. You know that the moment you make that deposit, it’s a small amount and seems like nothing. But if you understand how money compounds, you also know that over time, it becomes incredibly valuable. Taking the time to build relationships operates in the same way.
Sure, having 25 minutes to talk to each other about our lives was a small “deposit” and may have not seemed like a lot. But 25 minutes once a week for 20 weeks adds up over time.
As I look back on my consulting career, I can honestly say that the project I worked on was not the most interesting or exciting project. The role that I had was pretty boring, and objectively, the client wasn’t that interesting to me. But what I can say is two things:
- The people I worked with on the project ended up being some of my closest work friends and mentors
- I have never worked on a project where the client was happier
Most knowledge worker jobs require working on teams with people, and doing so now in a hybrid and distributed world. If you’re not working on your relationships you’re losing out on opportunities to make deposits into your relationship building bank account.
I was reminded of this recently when a friend reached out to me because they were new to a role and having trouble with building relationships with their colleagues. They asked for some advice on what to do, and I shared this story with them and the lesson that my manager taught me about investing in relationships like you’d invest money in your savings account.
Most employees, especially knowledge workers in cross-functional roles know that relationships are critical to the success of their job. It’s very hard to accomplish something when you don’t have the cooperation and support of your peers, and this is especially true in any large organization, or in any role where you don’t have formal power over the other people working on your project. But many people forget that showing up and working well with others, while important, is just the starting point. Just like my engagement manager on that project when i first started my career, you need to make time to cultivate and build relationships with your peers, so that there is a sense of trust when it comes time to work together.
I would learn this lesson time and time again as a product marketer. When I first started in this role, I was so hell bent on proving myself, that I tried so hard to prove that I did exceptional work. But starting off, what held me back wasn’t my ability to produce great work outputs, but rather, my lack of time building credibility and trust with my key stakeholders, such as my product managers, sales teams, and customer success managers. Eventually, I took the advice of my old engagement manager, and started recognizing that relationship building is part of my actual job responsibilities and made time every week to do this, and over time, my trust and relationships began to grow. Now, when I needed something or wanted to work on something, I had much better success getting the support and goodwill of others.
How to Build Effective Relationships With Stakeholders
So how can you find ways to intentionally build relationships with your cross functional stakeholders, peers, and colleagues? Here are some tactical and practical steps:
Ask For Feedback – If you are early in the process of working on something, invite key stakeholders into the conversation and creation process by asking for their feedback and input. We all want to know our opinion matters, so give them a chance to co-create with you
Ask to Provide Feedback – Most people appreciate constructive and helpful feedback. But most people also don’t go out of their way to provide it, and even when asked, don’t always do it! Be in the minority and proactively go out of your way to see if your peers want feedback on something, and make sure that it’s timely, specific, and in-context.
Loop them into a conversation – Silos exist in companies small and large. It’s hard to keep track of all the projects and initiatives that are going on. If you see two disparate people who have something they could help each other with, or benefit from being connected, connect the dots between those individuals. We all probably have one colleague who just seems to be in the know on everything.
Celebrate Their Wins – If you see someone or hear about someone completing a great project, closing a big deal, or successfully executing something, send them a personalized note to congratulate them. It may seem really small, but we’ve all been on the receiving end of these in the past, and it feels good to be acknowledged and supported by your peers
Intentionally Make Time to Get to know them – Many of you are already probably doing coffee chats, check-ins or hellos, especially if you are new to an organization. But if you’re not, being intentional about consistently setting aside time to truly get to know people, just like my engagement manager did, can go a long way. It may seem difficult especially in a virtual or hybrid world, but making this a part of your job and consistently doing it will have positive benefits for yourself and for your work.