A few years ago, I got put into a role earlier than expected where I got additional responsibilities and exposure to senior leadership and I was determined to hit the ground running.
I started off guns blazing, taking ownership driving results and making it clear to my leaders that they had made a good decision. But after about 6-8 months I began to hit a wall, but the only person who didn’t realize it was me.
Working in corporate is often a full-body contact sport, and being in rooms with leaders where debate goes on and decisions are made is not always easy, especially when you have a role to be there but not the responsibility or pay of the others in the room.
Over time, my energy and drive began to wade, my proactive nature started to dwindle and while I was showing up, I was not performing at my best. One day, my skip level manager pulled me aside, and said to me, “I’m worried about you because I’ve observed a bunch of behaviors that are not consistent with what we’ve seen from you in the past. How are you actually doing?”
We had an open conversation about the challenges of the role given the hectic nature, constant fire drills and pace of change, and how as a sensitive person I often took feedback really personally and would often ruminate on it far outside of the workplace. I shared with her the 2-3 things that I was working on with my therapist, and how much of it was due to the adjustment and stress of the new role, and how it was making me reflect on my own ambitions and aspirations in my career development in the short term.
I felt comfortable talking to my manager because I knew at the core, she cared about me as a person, and regardless of what I was or wasn’t doing, wanted what was best for me. Since the day we met, she had shown me time and time again she cared about me first as a human being.
After the conversation, we made some changes – she would try to take a more active role in shielding things for me, I would get a few responsibilities shifted off my plate, and she also encouraged me to talk to a few other individuals who had similar roles who had dealt with similar situations. My performance and well-being got significantly better after that conversation.
I have been thinking about this experience especially within the context of the latest discourse around burnout, exhaustion, resignations, workplace policies, quiet quitting, and toxic workplaces, especially in relation to managers. Managers play a significant influence in employee engagement, but at the same time, are also burning out and feeling exhausted themselves.
I see this first-hand, in the work that I do in training and coaching managers at organizations. It feels like they are caught in the middle – on one hand, they have to take demands and policies (ex: return to office) and put them into place, and on the other, they have to manage employees and their own concerns, wants and desires.
One of the things that always frustrates me when I read articles about what to do about trend x,y, or z is that most of the answers always come back to some form of “start by talking to your employees.” It frustrates me because, on one hand, if leaders and managers actually did this right, we wouldn’t have the problems we are facing.
On the other hand, the advice seems so mundane and borderline infantilizing that it feels wrong to justify words in an article on something that anyone could figure out.
How to Be a Good Manager
But assuming that you believe that talking to your employees and actually listening to them is the right medicine you need, here are a few suggestions to keep in mind:
Tell People What They Are Doing Great – If you see someone doing something great, please tell them what they did, why it was great, and encourage them to do more of it. People cannot see their own genius, and the things we often take as normal and pedestrian are incredibly valuable. I’ve written before about how talent spotting is a critical skill that we all need to embrace, especially managers, but if you want people to model behaviors you’d like to see more of a great place to start is to let them know that they are doing them.
Go Out of Your Way to Intentionally Build Trust – If you’re a manager, your job is to foster trust. Most people approach trust as “I’ll trust you once you show me that you’re trustworthy,” but according to Carole Robin, Founder of Touchy Feely Course at Stanford GSB and workplace relationships expert it actually works the other way. Robin recommends you go first, and use the “15%” rule as a way to test the waters. Furthermore, as the individual in a position of power, it is on you to go first and be proactive about it.
Care Personally – In her book Radical Candor, Kim Scott tells a story about how her manager at Google, Sheryl Sandberg gave her the feedback that when she spoke, she was using a ton of filler words, and it made her sound stupid. On the surface, that is a pretty hash (perhaps rude?) statement, How could Sheryl get away with something like this? Because Kim knew that Sheryl cared about her personally. Prior to that feedback, Sandberg on numerous occasions made gestures and behaviors that demonstrated to Kim that she genuinely cared about her as a person, so when she delivered that feedback candidly (this was also after 2 times of trying to do it less candidly..) Kim knew Sheryl had her best interests at heart. Your employees need honest feedback, but it becomes a lot easier to deliver (and them to process and act on) when they know that you truly and fundamentally care about them as people.
When it comes to human-related workplace challenges I am often reminded of the quote, “simple, but not easy.” These solutions seem simple and pedestrian on paper, but that doesn’t make them easy. The good news is that if you are a manager or leader who genuinely wants to see your employees win and believes they have talent and potential,
I am confident that building trust, talent spotting and caring personally are all habits that you can start practicing to foster a healthier workplace culture which can enable more fruitful and consistent conversations with you and your employees, so whatever workplace trend comes your way is an afterthought.
How Can You Be a Good Manager?